Remembering Lily
by Emilie Rose
Summary: In honour of the anniversary of the death of Lily and James Potter. The heart and mind of Severus Snape, twelve years after that dreadful Halloween night.


**My university had a Quidditch game in memory of Lily and James Potter today. Apparently, it's the 30 year anniversary of their death. (?)**

**I decided I wanted to write something for today, not for James but for Lily, and of course for Severus Snape, who suffered through many agonizing Halloween nights after her murder.**

**So here it is. Sorry if it's not my best work.**

Severus Snape stared out at the festively decorated Great Hall, not noticing the floating pumpkins and candles, not hearing the exuberant chatter of the children enjoying the feast, not wanting in the least bit to be a part of the Halloween celebration.

He tried not to think about what everyone in the room was callously ignoring. He tried not to picture the light leaving those beautiful emerald eyes that haunted his dreams and nightmares.

No matter how hard he fought, however, his eyes kept drifting back to a dark-haired boy seated in the middle of the Gryffindor table. The thirteen year old was a perfect copy of his father, the man who had made Severus's years as a Hogwarts student a living hell. This alone was enough to put Severus on edge, but the fact that the boy was the son of Lily Evans made him feel physically ill. Harry Potter was a constant reminder to Severus that he had lost his battle with James on every level possible, that he had lost his best friend, and that he had completely and utterly lost the heart of the only person he would ever love.

Of course, these dreadful facts were always true about Prince Potter. No, it was more than that which infuriated Severus Snape that night, much more indeed.

Harry James Potter, the Boy Who Lived, sat laughing and joking with his friends, clearly reveling in the festivities. It was obvious to Severus that he was doing nothing to mark this night as the somber occasion that it truly was. The brat did not even seem to care that tonight was the anniversary of the night his mother -his parents, corrected a voice in Severus's head, though it sickened him. Both of his parents.—Fine, then. The anniversary of the night his parents gave their lives to protect him.

The youngest of the seemingly endless stream of Weasley boys apparently said something funny, for Potter suddenly burst into gales of laughter which nearly caused him to topple out of his seat.

This was enough for Severus, who stood briskly and marched out of the Great Hall, determinedly not acknowledging the look of concern he received from the Headmaster.

He sat in his dimly lit room, staring down at a photograph he usually kept tucked away in a place no one would ever find it. His young self waved excitedly back at him, beaming as if he were the luckiest boy on Earth. A bittersweet pain shot through Severus's chest as he remembered that that was precisely how he had felt when the picture was taken, for Lily Evans had her arm around him as they stood side by side on Platform 9 ¾.

The picture had been taken many years ago- or were they centuries? A black void of pain and darkness separated the young Snape from his present form, a void that he knew full well he had caused.

Tonight was the one night of the year when Severus allowed his terrible pain to take hold of him. On Halloween night, Severus permitted himself to be swallowed up by the grief of his guilt and his suffering, to mourn the pain his dearest love had endured, to loathe the rotten boy who did not even honour her memory. The pain clawed at him and his own traitorous voice echoed in his ears; the voice that called his best friend a terrible name, the voice that repeated the prophecy to the Dark Lord.

No matter how deeply he repented, how hard he fought to protect the boy, Severus knew nothing would ease the pain and nothing would absolve him of his sins. He was utterly alone in the depths of his misery.

Lily Evans was dead.

Severus Snape wept.

**And there you have it, folks. Dedicated to the heroes who gave their lives in the fight against Lord Voldemort. (But really, dedicated mostly to Lily and Severus.)**

**I know it's not great, but I wrote it partially in history class, so… Please review! I'd love to hear any feedback, positive or negative.**


End file.
